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5 Best Tips on How to Politely Tell Your Siblings To Stop Having Children

Okay, let me address the fact that the headline you clicked to read this article may have sounded a little harsh. But we also said, “Politely Tell Your Siblings to Stop Having Children,” so don’t be such a thin-skinned whiny crybaby.

And that’s what we’re here to talk about: babies. Or the lack thereof.

You certainly love your brother and/or sister, and the nieces and/or nephews they have given you. But you know you can’t in good consciousness cheer on the fact that they need more. Or maybe they don’t have any at all, and are thinking about bringing a child into this world for the first time? Here are some nice, simple ways to let them know how awful of an idea that is.

Is It Really Feasible to Have More Kids in This Economy?
Listen, you just want what’s best for your potential niece or nephew, and your brother’s salary as manager of the golf department at Dick’s Sporting Goods probably isn’t going to provide the means for a life they truly deserve.

It Sucks, But Having More Kids Means Less Time to Do Stuff You Want to Do.

Remember the next great screenplay you always wanted to write? Well, you can throw that, along with any other creative endeavors you’ve wanted to do, right into the shitter. That is, unless you have some sort of creative spark 18 years down the road, but at that point it’ll just be sad.

Ugh, Can You Imagine Never Being Able to Sleep Soundly Ever Again?
This one’s a no-brainer. Sleep is the best thing ever on this planet, arguably even more so than finger foods and malt liquor. Remember all those horrible sleepless nights you had with your first child? Is having another one worth looking like, and acting like shit towards everyone because you’re sleepy all the time? For the sake of everyone in this family, please say it’s not.

Having Children is Not Good for the Health of Our Planet.
More kids mean more dirty diapers. More dirty diapers means more junk stuffed into some massive garbage mound that sticks out of this island we call Earth like a festering ass boil. It’s really up to parents to help reduce the human race’s carbon footprint, and a few used condoms are much less detrimental to our planet’s health than an entire human carbon footprint.

What If They Grow Up to Be a Serial Murderer? Wouldn’t That Suck?
I don’t know about you, but I’d feel terrible if my son or daughter grew up to be the next Hillside Strangler. Imagine being the parent of the subject of some dork’s true crime podcast 40 years down the road. Is that little bundle of joy truly worth that risk? Something every potential parent with a conscience should ask themselves.