MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Bobby Anderson, who spent the winter underdressed, is excited to spend the summer wearing way more clothes than anyone would deem…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local realtor Aaron “Shredder” Dukowski can’t wait to show potential buyers exactly where a gruesome quadruple murder happened inside the two-story…
EUGENE, Ore. — Perpetually inconsiderate roommate Michael Chabot was thrilled yesterday to discover a giant pile of garbage in his shared kitchen, knowing he finally…
FLEMINGTON, NJ. — Local sociopath and deranged serial killer Parker Greene enthusiastically pulled 20 teeth out of the front pocket of a pair of jeans…
NEW YORK — Local punk Kyle Gilbert is ecstatic for his countless opportunities to explain the historical significance of Bikini Kill to anyone who will…
BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
DALLAS — Everyone attending power-pop trio Ball Pit’s tour kickoff show last week was “ecstatic” about the band leaving town for a few weeks, confirmed…
AUSTIN, Texas — Recent Austin transplant Kimberly Meeks is eager to complain about her first South by Southwest every chance she can get, sources close…
SPOKANE, WA – Local Facebook user Josh Larson was “on cloud nine” following the acceptance of his friend request by semi-popular indie rock musician Kyle…