Taylor Roebuck
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PHILADELPHIA — Local band The Shit Kickers condemned their second place prize and disputed the accuracy of the applause-o-meter today…
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Dan Kozuh
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JASPER, Ark. — Local militia member Lance Hagan accidentally ate the three years' worth of emergency rations while anxiously watching…
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Andy Holt
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PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…
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Hard Drive Staff
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WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated…
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Anna Walsh
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WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…
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Patrick Coyne
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TOLEDO, Ohio — The Observer-Gazette, a so-called “legitimate” local newspaper that has “allegedly won multiple prestigious awards,” failed to even…
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John Danek
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WASHINGTON — The United States of America utterly failed in its shame-filled attempts today to obscure its bulging, prominent Presidential…
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James Knapp
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The election result has been just as big of a surprise to me as it has to everyone else I’m…
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James Knapp
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SEWARD, Neb. — A far-right militia completely failed in their mission to remain vigilant on election day after the entire…
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ABINGTON, Mass. — A local man’s chances of talking to his parents in a civil manner once again is too…
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