WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — First Lady Melania Trump was apprehended by Florida election officials this morning after being caught furiously stuffing phony ballots for…
ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential election forecast in order to…
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people thus far, endorsed President Trump…
CHICAGO — Historically undecided voter Gunther Wexler waited eight grueling hours yesterday to cast a “protest” vote for Harambe, the gorilla who was infamously murdered…
The year was 2004 and we were a freshman in high school. While most focused on the defining cultural moment of the year—“Napoleon Dynamite” redefining…
NEW YORK — A visibly desperate and agitated President Donald Trump loaded his IMI Desert Eagle handgun today and travelled to Manhattan’s 5th Ave. to…
NEW YORK — New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin announced on social media today that he failed the viral internet challenge to not ejaculate during the…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing him in under “president” on…
As an aspiring pastor, I wish that people were always asking me if I believe Donald Trump is a Godly man. If they did, I…
WASHINGTON — A panicked President Trump is debating whether releasing his infamous “pee tape” would help or hurt his chances in the upcoming election, confirmed…
KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting that the polls are being…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump once again stoked fear yesterday by warning U.S. citizens that “Antifa terrorists will hide voter fraud in your children’s Halloween…
WASHINGTON — Warning his friends and loved ones of the coming weeks and months of uncertainty, local politico Philippe Cruz remarked today that America will…
STEVENS POINT, Wisc. — Undecided voters across the U.S. are racking their brains this week trying to decide whether to burn crosses or simply nail…
For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and…