BUFFALO, N.Y. — Forty-two-year-old heavy metal fanatic Jason Higgins shocked bar patrons earlier this week by ordering a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and cola with the…
BOSTON — A local straight edge man battling cancer admitted his biggest regret in life was how infrequently he knocked alcoholic drinks out of unsuspecting…
There are so many things to hate about this entitled millennial generation, but nothing scorches my sky more than their addiction to technology. These ungrateful…
If you’ve been around the block as much as I have, you know you can’t hardly trust anyone about anything. You have to ignore all…
DEKALB, Ill. — Staff of underground punk newspaper The Shattered Mirror, created by scene members for scene members, noticed a shocking statistic about their reporting:…
UKIAH, Calif. — Local showgoer Ernie Morales lamented the fact he is almost certainly contracting the coronavirus delta variant while attending an avant-garde noise show…
Prepare to have your faith in humanity restored! When neighbors found out that 87-year-old Sacramento resident Robert Manzana needed help to pay for his insulin,…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
TOKYO — A nurse at St. Luke’s International Hospital in Tokyo comforted a dying COVID patient by showing him the recent Peacock ratings bump on…
Fast food is all about reliability, but sometimes you crave something new and exciting. That’s why we’re sharing six mind-blowing hacks you can use to…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Dying 80-year-old man Rex Titus revealed to friends and family today that, after a decade of battling heart disease, he is still…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Kelly Cruz’s recent unemployment status has her overwatered houseplants praying she finds a job before she drowns them all, the…
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed to survive the pandemic and…
TULSA, Okla. — Local punk Eddie Abrams’s plans to retire are reportedly contingent upon his dying young and nothing else, according to a meeting with…
DAYTON, Ohio — Terminally ill child Marcus Walsh received a visit from WWE legend John Cena this week, but couldn’t be bothered to smile or…