Dying Tag Archives - Page 2

Funeral Ruined by Creepy Guy Just Lying There

Alec Walker • September 30, 2023

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local community members attending a nearby funeral reported the mood of the event was a bit sour…

“The O.C.” Intro Flashes Before Dying Millennial’s Eyes

Nathan Kamal • September 19, 2023

CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene…

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Local Maniacs Fight to the Death In Metal Arena to Honor Tina Turner’s Passing

Jon Ruggiero • May 24, 2023

BARTERTOWN, Australia — A group of mostly nude, heavily armed combatants honored the life of legendary singer and actress Tina…

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4 Vegan Egg Alternatives To Consider That Are Still More Expensive Than Eggs

Jus Kaplan • February 4, 2023

With the price of eggs continuing to soar, many consumers are naturally looking for cost-saving alternatives. Well, we wish we…

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Punk Uses Dying Breath To Talk Shit About His Favorite Band

Yancy Lee Crawford • January 23, 2023

INDIANAPOLIS – Local punk Xak Henderson fought through immense pain and life-threatening injuries in order to use his last words…

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American Woman More Ranch Than Flesh At This Point

John Danek • June 10, 2022

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Upholsterer Gianna Andrews stunned friends, family, and biologists with the discovery that her body consists more of…

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Man Unaware He’s the “That Guy’s Definitely Dead” Guy in Conversations With Old Acquaintances

Dave McNamara • May 21, 2022

HARTFORD, Conn. – Local father of two, and reformed punk maniac, Victor Amoratti remains completely oblivious to the fact that…

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Dad Buys Daughter Record Player So Boxes of Old Records Will Be Her Problem

Billy Patterson • January 17, 2022

HAGERSTOWN, Md. — Local father Ron Merchant bought his daughter a record player so that the family’s hundreds of old…

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Aging Metalhead Switches to Jack and Caffeine-Free-Diet-Coke for Health Reasons

Dan Kozuh • November 22, 2021

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Forty-two-year-old heavy metal fanatic Jason Higgins shocked bar patrons earlier this week by ordering a Jack Daniel’s…

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Straight Edge Guy On Death Bed Regrets Not Knocking More Beers Out of People’s Hands

The Hard Times Staff • October 17, 2021

BOSTON — A local straight edge man battling cancer admitted his biggest regret in life was how infrequently he knocked…

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