Dying Tag Archives - Page 4

Patrick Crooks • August 16, 2020

WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed…

Mark Hassenfratz • December 9, 2019

TULSA, Okla. — Local punk Eddie Abrams’s plans to retire are reportedly contingent upon his dying young and nothing else,…

Dan Luberto • December 3, 2019

DAYTON, Ohio — Terminally ill child Marcus Walsh received a visit from WWE legend John Cena this week, but couldn’t…

Patrick Coyne • November 16, 2019

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently deceased man Jerry Davidson confessed on his deathbed last week that Juggalos, the clown-faced fans of…

Jeremy Kaplowitz • October 2, 2019

WASHINGTON — A harrowing new study by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency found that the encroaching threat of climate change…

Tiana Miller • September 14, 2019

BOCA RATON, Fla. — Local punk Divida “Ratkeys” Pilucci was pleasantly surprised this summer upon returning home and finally connecting…

Mike Moran • July 2, 2019

LONDON — Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is completely oblivious that he will soon embark on his final string…

Patrick Coyne • April 24, 2019

ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus…

Lauren Lavín • April 2, 2019

MESA, Ariz. — Aging punk and once-devoted skateboarder Mike Ireland has only now begun to fully comprehend the implied consequences…

Mark Roebuck • November 7, 2018

HOUSTON — Tragedy nearly stuck at a nearby Long John Silver’s last Sunday when no concerned patrons or workers felt…

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