CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene of the early 2000s teen drama “The O.C.” flash before his eyes after being struck by an Uber driver, sources indicate.
“I always heard that you see your life flash before your eyes,” said Bretlin while images of Ben McKenzie, Mischa Barton, Rachel Bilson, and Adam Brody passed before his fading eyes. “You’re supposed to see your wedding day, your prom, that time your older brother Trey got out of prison, and then you got in a bar fight with some guys from Chino. But all I see is Ryan’s sad face as Sandy Cohen [Peter Gallagher] drives him to the family’s palatial home and generic yet emotionally evocative scenes from Southern California beaches. Is this really all I remember about my own life? I’ve only watched the series a dozen times. That’s it.”
Jade DuPree, the EMT performing CPR on Bretlin, said that his situation was not uncommon.
“If I had a penny for every time that I had I heard someone in their 30s mumble their way through the chorus of ‘California’ by Phantom Planet while bleeding out, I would be a rich woman,” DuPree said. “I’ve never even seen the show, but I hear the voices of the dying describe how some rich kid named Oliver held Marissa at gunpoint and then was basically never mentioned again. No one should have to hear the kind of things I’ve heard.”
“Seriously, did it never come up again about Oliver?” DuPree added. “They just never talked about that hugely traumatic event?”
Professional thanatologist and death doula Brigitte Johnson confirmed that experiences from the brink of life and death are frequently mostly “The O.C.”
“Recorded data and testimonies from people who have survived near-death episodes increasingly demonstrate that we do not see our own lives at the point of death but, instead, the moments that actually matter the most,” said Johnson.” For almost every millennial, those will definitely be Fox dramas from the early 2000s. I just pity the poor souls who see ‘The Return of Jezebel James’ when they pass.”
As of press time, Bretlin had miraculously been saved from death after his surgeon had a panic flashback to an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.”