Patrick Coyne
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Perpetually pie-eyed local man Dominic “Mitch” Wozinski was invited last night by expectant parents Christine and…
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Nicholai Roscoe
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Friends of Terence Hart report today that his knack for ruining parties with his alcoholism has transitioned…
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Andrew Murphy
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BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have…
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James Knapp
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Recently, we here at The Hard Times have been going through some pretty… well, hard times. Fortunately, the bartender at…
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Sari Beliak
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CHICAGO — Your friend from out of town is gearing up for a real whirlwind of activities this weekend, and…
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John Graham
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DANVERS, Mass. — A straight edge Ouija board steadfastly refused to indulge in a midnight seance Saturday night, directly defying…
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Dan Rice
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LOS ANGELES — Tensions remain high in downtown Los Angeles today after the discovery that a party bike was rigged…
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Patrick Coyne
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SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his…
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Dan Kozuh
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CHICAGO — Local metalhead Gary Dwyer cannot wait to “pound a sixer” of Old Style in the parking lot before…
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Jordan Breeding
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FAIRBANKS, Alaska — Obvious alcoholic and general mess of a human being Jerrold Long announced today that he will spend…
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