Shane Pauker
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April 25, 2026
SEATTLE — The World Health Organization formally recommended people only consume a disappointingly low number of beers at lunch, citing…
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Zack Zagranis
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February 7, 2026
MINNEAPOLIS — An ICE agent being treated at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis recently attempted to deport the doctor performing…
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Stephen Bell
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August 27, 2025
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Intensive care nurse Harper Schlader was reportedly asking any of her patients currently in the ICU if…
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CLEVELAND, Ohio — Punk stalwart Dave “Mel-Mel” Ryans made the switch from the popular malt liquor Steel Reserve, sometimes known…
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Matt Husser
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February 20, 2025
NEW YORK — A new independent report revealed that the average veterinarian has an eight-hour wait list due to the…
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Neel Bhakta
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October 1, 2024
CHICAGO — Exasperated cardiologist Dr. Everett Johnston is struggling to explain to his math rock guitarist patient that an arrhythmia,…
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Courtney Hill
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September 22, 2024
HAGERSTOWN, Md. — Local millennial Cassie Dunbar recently reached the very last Zillow listing and immediately pivoted to scrolling through…
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Tim Graham
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November 19, 2023
DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local delinquent Christine Pritchard surprised friends and family when she somehow obtained a prescription for cigarettes, according…
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Ben Friedman
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October 16, 2023
CAMDEN, Conn. — A blockbuster study conducted by Quinnipiac University found that on average, 10 out of 10 American doctors…
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What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about…
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