WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a new government plan that will provide all citizens a free state-issued pair of aviator sunglasses to combat the dangerous…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Local PR account manager Madison Auerbach decided there is more value in referring to people as “unhoused” in her private conversations than…
When I moved to Los Angeles to make it as a musician or actor or influencer, I had no illusions about how hard it would…
DENTON, Texas — All members of local noise band Conflicted Hump-Feels recently experienced an existential crisis after accidentally writing a hook during practice, sources close…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — A skeleton mistaken for a seasonal decoration at a local library is suspected to be an architectural ploy designed to prevent houseless…
WASHINGTON — Dr. Christine Giles, a scientist at the Global Science Research Institute, just ripped a printing document off an antiquated dot-matrix printer, glanced at…
ATLANTA — Local writer and amateur philosopher Alex Garfield is still questioning the meaning of life today after receiving an email last week that simply…
NEW YORK — Estimating that his components could continue providing decent performance even several years in the future when he realizes that his best years…
WASHINGTON — Worried about industry typecasting, representatives of local crisis actor Daniel Mauer say he is seeking a wider range of roles, hoping to finally…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — 64-year-old captor Charles Lynn Gartner’s basement-dwelling hostages remain blissfully unaware of the global crisis happening right outside their cage, sources feeding them…
EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
ALLEN, Texas. — Annette Martin is allegedly tired of her husband’s foray into live music as a band-aid for his mid-life crisis, telling friends she…