We all make mistakes. No matter how large or small, in most situations, they can be forgiven. The factor that determines forgiveness in all shades…
Mysterious Old Sea Captain in Corner of Bar Tells Tale of Time He Was In The Decemberists
ROCKLAND, Maine — A disheveled old sea captain enthralled patrons of the Drunken Algae Tavern last night, telling a harrowing tale of the time he…
Metal Band Debates Whether Their Commitment Is Full Corpse Paint and Cloaks or Just Longish Hair
PHOENIX — Aging members of local metal band Toxins in the Bloodstream are deep in a spiraling debate about whether they should go all-in with…
As a civil-minded person, I take a lot of pride in doing my part to keep people safe. When my coworkers started going to Killigan’s…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Forty-two-year-old heavy metal fanatic Jason Higgins shocked bar patrons earlier this week by ordering a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and cola with the…
Man Has No Idea What Best Friend Does for a Living
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Chris Jones was left reeling after realizing that he had no clue as to what his best friend of 25…
Semisonic to Release Long-Awaited Follow-up “Seriously, Get the Fuck Out, I Have To Open Tomorrow”
MINNEAPOLIS — Bar staff everywhere are rejoicing as Semisonic penned a long-awaited follow-up to their 1998 single “Closing Time” entitled “Seriously, Get the Fuck Out,…
There’s a misconception that self-care only applies to wealthy people who can afford spa treatments and luxury vacations. When, in reality, it’s also available to…
Pregnant Punk Forced to Be Designated Driver
BALTIMORE — Friends of local mom-to-be Vivian Wilburg have been taking advantage of her mandatory sobriety and using her as a designated driver since her…
REHOBOTH BEACH, Del. — A local woman’s conversation with friends was disrupted by a man who stormed across the bar to correct a statement she…
Remember bars? Remember partying until the break of dawn in your favorite dive spot while the glow of New York City lights up the faces…
Venue Requires Proof of Shower Before Entry
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
Man Asks Person on Other Side of Glory Hole If They’re Vaccinated
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Clay Horton briefly paused fellating a complete stranger at a glory hole in an area gay bar to inquire if…
How Am I Supposed To Do Karaoke Here When They Don’t Have a Single Napalm Death Song Available?
I’m at my wit’s end with this whole karaoke deal. I am stuck in a sea of nice enough but unsophisticated 20-somethings who only want…
CHICAGO — Local punk Jacob Brown found his net worth has skyrocketed now that drink tickets are redeemable again at reopened venues across the city,…