You finally got a match on your favorite dating app. They’re cute, they seem to have their shit together, and most importantly have agreed to meet up with you for dinner. You spent the day rehearsing little quips and anecdotes to help you seem like a charming person. For hours, you tried on different outfits that accentuate all of your best features. But now that you’re actually on the date, you’ve forgotten what to do with yourself during downtime.
Your date just excused themselves to go to the bathroom, and you’re panicking. Don’t worry, this is a great time to catch up on some music. Death Cab For Cutie is known for their romantic and eloquent songwriting, and they should provide more than enough inspiration to turn a good night into a great night. Here are twenty of their best songs to skim through while you wait for them to get back.
“Champagne From A Paper Cup”
The evening has been going pretty well so far, so while you wait for your fledgling romantic interest to return to the table it might be a good idea to think of some after-dinner plans. You remember you have some dixie cups and a bottle of sparkling Rosé in your trunk for some reason. Maybe a toast to a new relationship is in order.
“All Is Full Of Love”
First impressions are everything, and we can tell by your rosy cheeks that your date has certainly made their mark. You even expressed your love for them moments before they darted to the restroom. Surely, they too feel overwhelmed by your immediate and potent connection. They’re probably just thinking of what to say, and that’s why it’s taking a little longer than usual.
“I Will Possess Your Heart”
Seems that regardless of the reason they scurried off, your date is going to be in there for quite a while. This gives you the perfect opportunity to listen to the album version of ‘I Will Possess Your Heart.’ Considering this one clocks in at almost 9 minutes, you’ll have plenty of time to think about your newfound love. It will also take your mind off the fact that they’ve been gone for nearly fifteen minutes at this point. We’re sure it’s nothing to worry about, though.
With the incessant bass groove of the previous track firmly in your brain, you’re starting to get a bit concerned with your date’s lengthy absence. This must be how Ben Gibbard felt during his tumultuous marriage with Zooey Deschanel. It’s easy to get in this headspace when things are fresh and uncertain, so let’s give them a few more minutes here before jumping to conclusions.
“The Face That Launched 1000 Shits”
It was probably unwise of us to suggest that you of all people shouldn’t jump to conclusions. That’s on us. Your mind has leapt so far that now you’re thinking maybe that blackhead you couldn’t tame this morning disgusted your date so much that they are having wildly violent diarrhea about it during an otherwise phenomenal evening. You can’t help but feel a little down on yourself.
“No Joy In Mudville”
Granted, it feels incredibly rude for your date to leave you hanging for this long, but one must have empathy for the situation. Whatever’s going on in there can’t be fun. You should be grateful for your own health and the fact you didn’t order the fish.
Self-consciousness is an aggressive disease that will devour your entire body if left unchecked. You have left it very unchecked, unfortunately. You pull out your phone to check your reflection in the selfie camera. A tooth you chipped in college glares back at you, becomes sentient and repeatedly tells you that “they’re never coming back, they never even went to the bathroom.” You quickly slide the phone back in your pocket and try to keep your wits about you.
“The Employment Pages”
The waiter seems to be getting pretty impatient with you at this point and you’re not sure how many waters you can order before they ask how you’d like to split the check. You were hoping to pull the whole ‘I forgot my wallet’ trick to get out of paying, but that’s a lot harder to do without your date here to cover. It’s been six months since you were laid off from your last gig. Maybe it’s time to start the job hunt again?
“Good Help (Is So Hard To Find)”
With the waiter out of your hair for a couple of seconds, you stand up and start pretending to look around the table and patting every pocket of your jacket hoping a good samaritan will notice and offer to pick up your tab. Sadly, everyone else in this establishment was planning on doing the same thing this evening.
“Why You’d Want To Live Here”
This reminds you of how selfish city dwellers can be. Clearly you’re in a jam, and seemingly no one wants to notice or care. You think back to your time in rural Pennsylvania. You still have a bar tab open at your favorite haunt there. It’s nearing three thousand dollars, and the owner hasn’t called you in on it once. This may have something to do with the fact that you changed your number when you moved to the big city, but you’d like to think it has more to do with backwoods heart and empathy. Fuck this. You don’t need this date or this town.
“Doors Unlocked And Open”
Not only are you super fired up and dreadfully missing your hometown, you’re really sincerely worried about your date. You’re pretty sure no healthy person takes forty minutes to go to the bathroom. What if something’s going on? If you don’t investigate, your date might find you uncaring and ghost you down the line. You decide to walk down the hallway only to find the bathroom door ajar, and the room itself unoccupied.
“I Will Follow You Into the Dark”
You notice a backdoor that leads into the alley behind the restaurant. Maybe your date got lost and picked the wrong door? You walk out into the alley yelling their name, but no one responds. The plot thickens.
“I’ll Never Give Up On You”
Most people would throw in the towel at this juncture, but not you. You are going to get to the bottom of this. Clearly something has happened here, and it definitely wasn’t related to your date ditching you. You’re thinking of starting a search party, but you figure you’ll check the bar first.
As you approach the bar, you miraculously find a fifty dollar bill under one of the stools. Your first thought is that maybe your date left it there so you could order drinks while they used the restroom across the street. That makes sense to you after seeing the sorry state of this venue’s facilities. Mystery solved. You promptly order two hurricanes and place your jacket on the stool next to you as the bartender quickly Googles what a hurricane is.
“Here To Forever”
The drinks have been delivered. Now you can relax and wait for the evening to properly begin. You’re filled with a fresh new hope that your date will return soon, which is a nice change from your typical dour emotional state. It’s probably just taking longer because you’re pretty sure the place across the street makes you buy something before you can use their restroom. They should be walking through the door any minute now, which is great because their hurricane is already melting somehow.
“The Sound of Settling”
While waiting, you have been approached by several potential suitors inquiring about your extra garish cocktail. Many were drastically out of your league but still seemed charmed by you. It’s the most you’ve been flirted with in your entire life. You turned all of them away, though, because you want to finish what you started. Like many before you, you have really taken away several positives that were meant to serve as warnings throughout the duration of “The Sound of Settling.”
It’s been close to an hour since your date vanished, and while you want to be polite, that first drink was so good that you figure you might as well chug down your date’s as well. You can always order more. Only now is it dawning on you that hurricanes have an alarming amount of alcohol in them. You’re spiraling now, and have somehow put ‘Transatlanticism’ on the TouchTunes queue six times in a row. By the time the chorus hits on the fifth play-through, you’ll have switched to the restaurant’s cheapest domestic beer, which will do little to stifle your sobs.
“60 & Punk”
Two hurricanes and six Miller Lites have gotten you to the point where you can fully admit to yourself that your date has absolutely no intention of rejoining you. You’ve been ghosted. You’re a shell of who you once were and you’re only getting older by the second. You order another round after realizing you still had some money on one of your credit cards. You slowly sip another cheap beer and look back on your life to figure out where it all went wrong.
“Stay Young, Go Dancing”
Surely, you can’t wallow in your sorrows forever. You’re also finally drunk enough to convince yourself that you’re good at dancing. You ask the bartender where the hottest club in the city is, and he suggests you order a cab. This is not a reference to the band, but to an actual taxi. You’re starting to make a scene.
“You Can Do Better Than Me”
You keep asking him where you should go in said cab, and he repeatedly says ‘anywhere but here pal.’ It’s at this point you realize there’s no club in existence that can soothe the hurt of being left like this, and any appeal to the contrary will feel like a hollow way of avoiding the truth. You decide the only way forward is to climb up to the top of the bar and sing a verse or two of ‘You Can Do Better Than Me’ before slipping, breaking several pieces of glassware, and getting banned from the restaurant indefinitely. We can’t say we didn’t try to help you here. Better luck next time!