GWAR Accused of Using AI Cum in New Video
RICHMOND, Va. — Intergalactic degenerates GWAR have come under fire recently for allegedly using generative AI to create the semen for their new video “Cock Destroyer,” confirmed sources. “GWAR definitely used AI for the cum in ‘Cock Des…
Mix-up Sends Peter Cullen to Planet Transsexual and Tim Curry to Cybertron
THE AFTERLIFE — In what has been described as an administrative error of celestial proportions, the Grim Reaper has erroneously sent deceased Optimus Prime voice… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Nation’s LGBTQ+ Community Forms Protective Circle Around Liza Minnelli and Cher
Tim Curry Was the Greatest Actor I’ve Ever Worked With, and His Role in Rocky Horror Helped Me Realize I Was Pansexual – Guest Post by Gonzo
Hello out there, folks, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood, uh, whatever the hell I am, Gonzo. It’s been one heck of a week, hasn’t it,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Men’s Wearhouse Suit Comes With New Interpol Album Pre-Loaded
HOUSTON — Just days after announcing it would ramp up efforts to not go bankrupt again, Men’s Wearhouse unveiled its sole Fall 2026 piece, a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Study Confirms Driving 30 Miles Over the Speed Limit While Smoking Marlboros and Listening to Motörhead Fucking Rules
GLASGOW, Mont. — An independent study by townie Clint McClusky revealed nothing in life fucks harder than driving 30 miles per hour over the speed limit while simultaneously chain-smoking Marboros and blasting Motörhead, everyone within a five-mile radius has confirmed.…
Metallica Releases ‘The Unforgiven V’ After Losing Count
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal band Metallica released the new single “The Unforgiven V” after…
Office Punk’s PowerPoint Only Has Three Slides
CHICAGO — Local office punk Darrell Willis recently presented Business Think Lab, his place of…
‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk
CARNOUSTIE, Scotland — A new biography about the six-frame photoshoot for the Beatles’ final recorded…
Dad Getting Sick of Son Asking Him to Check Under His Bed for Steven Tyler
BOSTON — Local father Hank Lindemuler is growing tired of his son Simon Lindemuler asking…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…