Everyone at Coffee Shop Falls for Each Other After ‘Fade Into You’ Plays
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Patrons at a local coffee shop reportedly became infatuated with one another after Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You” played over the shop speakers, sources confirmed. “My coworker Brian is absolutely obsessed with some Spoti…
Opinion: Why Would I Watch Reality TV When I Can Just Watch the People I Care About Destroy Themselves With Terrible Choices and Do Nothing To Intervene?
Price gouging for streaming services has reached a point of absurdity. That’s why I broadened my horizons for what I am entertained by, and you… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
JD Vance Relieved To Learn Couch Unharmed After Home Vandalization
Aging Goregrind Band Now Just Taking Lyrical Inspiration From the Changes Naturally Occurring in Their Own Bodies
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Goregrind band Masticated Genitalia found themselves deriving inspiration from transformations they observed in their own bodies as they got older, sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
We Completely Made up This Interview With Dave Mustaine Because We Didn’t Want To Talk to Him
Alright, we can’t be blamed for this one. Would you be excited if you were assigned to conduct an interview with thrash metal’s most obnoxious… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Trump Is Boasting About an Alleged Land Strike in Venezuela — Here’s Why He Is Still a Pedophile
Undercover Cop Only One on Time to DIY Show
SAN DIEGO — A local venue uncovered a sting operation within their premises when a plainsclothes police officer blew his cover by being the only… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
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Music
Punk Hibachi Chef Throws Cigarette Butts Into Patrons Mouths
BOSTON — Local punk hibachi chef Joey “Skunk” Robins reportedly hucks cigarette butts into the mouths of customers as opposed to squirting sake, confirmed sources. “I’m just trying to give customers an experience they will never forget and they never…
Baby Saves Marriage, Kills Band
FAIRHAVEN, Mass. — A new baby daughter helped local couple Ben and Hannah Brenner reconnect,…
Guy in Motörhead Shirt Sick of People Asking Him To Change Their Carburetors
LAKE FOREST, Ill. — Metalhead Darryl Washburn found himself getting exhausted by the constant requests…
Experts Warn Resurgence of Nu-Metal Could Be a Precursor to Another Swing Revival
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Experts at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research have…
Crust Punk Sets Sail for Fabled Promised Land of Pacific Garbage Patch
SAN FRANCISCO — A local crust punk announced plans to set sail on open waters…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…