How I Plan To Avoid Awkward Political Tension This Christmas by Just Telling My Cousin Who His Real Dad Is
It’s always been difficult to spend the holidays with a racist aunt or uncle, a homophobic parent, or a racist and homophobic grandfather, and these days it just keeps getting harder to avoid things getting tense around the holidays. That’s…
Jumbotron at Weezer Show Exposes Tech CEO for Being Completely Alone
CLEVELAND — The jumbotron at a local Weezer concert exposed an important tech CEO for being completely alone without a trace of feminine energy or… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Opinion: It’s Time To Put the “Christ” Back in “Not Giving Money to Homeless People”
Flea Hoping More People Attend His Ugly Christmas Sock Party This Year
LOS ANGELES — Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Michael Peter “Flea” Balzary found himself hoping more people would attend his annual Ugly Christmas Sock party… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Israel Claims Hamas Holding Prime Real Estate Hostage
JERUSALEM, Israel — The Israeli Prime Minister’s office claimed Hamas was holding prime real estate hostage in dangerously tempting conditions, declaring the war would continue… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
How I Plan To Avoid Awkward Political Tension This Christmas by Just Telling My Cousin Who His Real Dad Is
Dom Forces Sub to Read and Explain Board Game Rules
SAN FRANCISCO — The local kink community was fascinated today by a dom who compels their sub to both read and explain rules to a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
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Music
Punk House's Only Working Light Is Tip of Vape Pen
EASTON, Pa. — Residents of a local punk house are officially down to the glowing tip of a vape pen as their only working light, according to sources blindly banging their shins into the coffee table. “The few light bulbs…
Punk’s Best Anecdote Very Similar to Sober Friend’s Rock Bottom Story
KINGSTON, N.Y. — Local tattooist Eddie Greer’s proud tale of drunken excess bears a close…
Zohran Mamdani Announces Plans for Free Tour Buses for Shitty Dive Bands
NEW YORK — New York Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani revealed that plans for his mayoral term…
Ken Burns' ‘History of Grindcore’ 12 Seconds Long
ARLINGTON, Va. — PBS surprised viewers that a new documentary from acclaimed documentarian Ken Burns…
Headset Microphone on Drummer Mostly Picks Up Heavy Breathing
ATLANTA — The Howling Goons’ plan to let their drummer assume extra vocal duties backfired…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…