ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Sick, debt-ridden voter Roz Benoit doesn’t really love Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, but kind of really needs him to win to actually…
WASHINGTON — Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the 2020 presidential race following a rough Super Tuesday showing where it was revealed she polled…
Damnit! Oh no, oh fuck, I just hit Deerhoof with my car! Look, first of all, it’s been raining all weekend, the roads were really…
FORT WASHINGTON, Md. — Wayne LaPierre, the chief executive of the National Rifle Association (NRA), unveiled a bold plan today to prevent further American coronavirus…
Dude! I was at the mall getting a new pair of JNCOs and some sick fingerless gloves from Hot Topic, and I saw those dorky…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local punk Gary Trentson is recycling his New Year’s resolution for Lent this year after failing miserably on his initial attempt back…
LOS ANGELES — Former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced he will be suspending his presidential campaign via a multi-million dollar ad campaign, sources…
LOS ANGELES — A confused Vice President Joe Biden announced he is dropping out of the democratic primary contest today, throwing his weight behind moderate…
GILBERT, Ariz. — Local vegan Robbie Hughes created a lasagna using only $100 in ingredients, proving that a plant-based diet is possible for everyone no…
I am not a racist. I’m friends with all sorts of different colors of people. Black, white, brown, beige, khaki. Hell, I even love that…
SEATTLE — Capitol Hill crust punk Steve “Skaggs” Sprewell is far more concerned about the raccoon flu he contracted while dumpster diving last week than…
Hey! Just wanted to pop in and express my apologies for not being able to come to your show the other day. I hope it…
PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla. — Local housecat Poobies was the only resident of 62 South Woodside Drive that contributed to cleaning up a pile of vomit…
EL PASO, Texas — Convicted pedophile Marcus Fleming killed two birds with one stone earlier today when he canvassed for Michael Bloomberg during court-mandated neighborhood…
Sorry to burst your fragile little bubbles but there are only two genders. You’re either a man or a woman. No non-binary, gender-fluid nonsense. Cased…