When you’re a kid you can’t wait to be an adult so you can pursue your dreams and live a life full of wonder and…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Stanford University’s Fear Response & Behavioral Sciences Department officially confirmed “Can we talk?” as the scariest text of all time, according…
Hey honey, thanks for calling! How are you doing? Is work good? Yes, yes I’m doing well here. I went to Pickleball this morning and…
Chances are that you have spelled this incredible punk rock reimagined version band’s name wrong once, twice, or thrice, but Me First and the Gimme…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Preston Gage, guitarist for the legendary drone metal band Annulvoid, is kicking himself after playing the wrong note for an entire show,…
Chucky is the gold standard for serial killer toys, slaughtering dozens of victims in creative fashion across decades of films. Whether he’s bashing a babysitter…
MILWAUKEE – Identical punk twins Ryan and Bryan Ohland recently revealed their ability to sense when the other is jonesing for a cigarette, sources who…
The holiday season is here, which means it’s time to buy gifts! You might have a plan for all your loved ones – but what…
LOS ANGELES — Local musician Brian Herring is reportedly making a decent living as a working musician but is reluctant to mention his marriage to…
2023 is coming to an end. Another remarkable year that proves true the old adage: ‘yes, things actually can and will get worse, and boy…
The Wet Bandits are not what anyone would call criminal masterminds. But following our mandatory annual Hard Times staff rewatch of “Home Alone,” we’re not…
WATERLOO, Iowa — A recent independent poll found Donald Trump’s draconian immigrant policies were polling overwhelmingly positive among users of the social media network Nextdoor,…
BOSTON — Local mallard Ruddy assured his girlfriend that his odd corkscrew-shaped penis is what all duck phalluses look like, perturbed sources confirmed. “So we’d…
Congratulations, you’ve managed to sneak into your nemesis’ inner sanctum (or home office). Now all that’s left to do is wait in their extra tall…
WICHITA, Kan. — Local horror punk outfit Shattered Heirloom reportedly only writes songs about family trauma as they are influenced by indie entertainment company A24,…