It was supposed to be another Uber ride. After I received confirmation, I thought it was strange that my driver’s photo looked like A-list movie star Brie Larson.
The black Nissan pulled up, and there she was. Captain Marvel herself. I figured it was rude to ask why she was driving for Uber, but as soon as I hopped in, she gunned it. This must be a prank show or something, right? I barely had time to buckle my seat before she asked me if I was comfortable.
But the questions didn’t stop there. “You can use any car to navigate your ride. But how do you navigate your life? What makes you stand out?” she asked me. I thought I had selected ‘quiet mode.’
She held her gaze on me with a knowing smile, unaware of passing traffic. “Kick your life into high gear with the Nissan Sentra. You deserve the smoothest ride possible, for wherever life takes you,” she said with a wink, slowly gaining speed and completely unaware of the braking cars ahead.
While careening into shoulder lanes, Brie Larson said “Nissan is more than a company. Our pickup trucks take you places that you never even knew existed.” I made it clear that I had no interest in a truck, and tried to keep her focused on a place that indeed does exist: my destination. I kept looking around for hidden cameras. Was I an unwilling extra in some guerilla ad campaign? I just needed an Uber ride, not a Nissan Sales Event!
Brie Larson, of “21 Jump Street’ fame, began swerving in and out of traffic, holding my gaze while praising the terrific handling and reminding me about the flexible cargo area. I told her she sounded like a commercial. Her response: “Go where you want to go. Live life on your own terms. Nissan.”
She had mentioned emergency braking, which would have been useful before she totaled the car against a median. Instead of giving personal information to the responding officers, she kept affirming the Nissan Sentra’s safety features. “Maybe I can take you for a ride in my Nissan Altima instead?” she asked the ERT while hauled into an ambulance for a head wound. When asked her name and date of birth, she simply said Nissan.
After the report, I re-ordered an Uber. Unfortunately my driver was The General from those insurance commercials, who just drove his Jeep around while barking military chants at me.