BOSTON – Local beer lover Ryan Kensington fleetingly experienced a sobering thought while in the midst of a bout of heavy drinking, but regrettably had…
Opinion: Uh, I Definitely Have a Girlfriend She Just Lives in Canada and is Emily Haines from Metric
Opinion: Uh, I Definitely Have a Girlfriend She Just Lives in Canada and is Emily Haines from Metric
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a solid 6 on a good day but looks aren’t everything! I can still pull, as evidenced…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local punk, Joel Locke, reportedly mistook a waitress’s inherent kindness as an invitation to make her watch a 2008 YouTube video of…
LANSING, Mich. — Recently married couple Wendy and Patrick Clark are facing a fourth night without any sleep whatsoever after refusing medical assistance despite constant,…
I was hoping for a quiet weekend. Watering plants near the window, I noticed my neighbor outside, clutching his chest. It’s a heart attack and…
CHICAGO — An uneasy crowd braced for a long night at a local club after once popular ‘90s alt rock band Wheat Pigs opened their…
MENDHAM TOWNSHIP, N.J. — The notoriously hardworking Chris Christie began preparing for his 2028 presidential election dropout announcement mere hours after revealing he had ended…
NEWARK, N.J. – Local officials are responding to reports of crowds sprinting towards their lovers through Newark Airport as Frou Frou’s “Let Go” plays over…
For decades sibling rivalry has been the core of legendary British rock band Oasis. Due to their multiple extended hiatuses, I think it is time…
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Republican hopefuls Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley are expected to make slavery a big topic for their debate tonight ahead of…
STONINGTON, Conn. — Local man Eddie Walker was rushed to a hospital in critical condition after accidentally laying his head on a pillow with a…
My girlfriend and I have gotten into some pretty freaky stuff lately. In the past, we’ve tried bondage, hair-pulling, and name-calling, but all of that…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local groom and longtime guitarist Parker Anderson gazed longingly at the wedding band guitarist’s illustrious pedal board during the first dance with his…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s public settlement for deliberately slowing down certain iPhones in what was seen as an attempt to swindle users has proven unsuccessful…