Press "Enter" to skip to content

Report: Crowds of People Begin Sprinting Towards Lovers as Frou Frou Plays Through Airport Speakers

NEWARK, N.J. – Local officials are responding to reports of crowds sprinting towards their lovers through Newark Airport as Frou Frou’s “Let Go” plays over the intercom, wistful sources confirmed.

“I was at the Hudson News looking for a sandwich for under $18 and then things got weird. There was an announcement about a Jetblue flight moving gates then ‘Let Go’ started playing. It was as if the entire airport turned to see where it was coming from. As soon as the lyrics ‘Drink up, baby, down’ left the speakers, the horde of people shifted into a running stance,” said Rudy Huber, a traveler who witnessed the event. “Before I knew it, the entire crowd began sprinting in multiple directions. Panicked men burst through security. Throngs of women kicked their heels off as they barreled down the terminal. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Brock Cohen was one of those caught up in the frenzy.

“I don’t know what came over me. When the song started, images began flashing through my head. I had just met a nice young woman in my hometown and was leaving to fly back to the big city. But suddenly, scenes of her dancing, laughing, and cuddling me under the sheets raced through my mind,” said Cohen. “She kept silently smiling at me in a kind of sexy but also wholesome way. I couldn’t help myself. It was as if my brain had pinpointed her location and steered me to her. I just started hurtling uncontrollably down a nearby escalator to find her.”

Kayla Davenport, a music supervisor who has worked on rom-coms like “Garden State” and “The Holiday,” says she warned airports about using Frou Frou’s modest hit on playlists.

“I’ve known the power of this song for years. Whenever I need to score a movie that shows a character suddenly realizing the love they are about to lose, I pipe it in. What I always worried about, though: if this works so well in a movie, why not in real life?” wondered Davenport. “So, I’ve been proposing legislation that would ban it from public places like stadiums and airports, fearing what might happen if it fell into the wrong hands. No one would listen, though, and now I fear it’s too late.”

At press time, the airport realized their mistake and instead started playing “Hide and Seek,” only to watch the crowd stop and drop to their knees, screaming, “Marissa, no!!!!”