2020 has got to be the worst year for punk by far. Ant that’s saying a lot since it died in 1978, 1986, and a…
The election result has been just as big of a surprise to me as it has to everyone else I’m sure. But still, I just…
As an aspiring pastor, I wish that people were always asking me if I believe Donald Trump is a Godly man. If they did, I…
Big government is plotting to take away our rights as American citizens, like eating at local restaurants and licking strangers. Recently I joined a new…
Hey kids, it’s your old pal, Freddy! No, not that molest-y 2010 reboot crap, I’m talking O.G Fred Man. That’s right bitch, Freddy’s back! It’s…
Oh my god. I am so sorry. You are right, of course! The character I am describing is in fact the MONSTER of Frankenstein, not…
Hey bros. We all know it’s okay to get out there in the pit and kick some ass. But some of us don’t know that…
Okay, let’s cut right down to business here. Is this divorce hearing BYOB, open bar, or, (ugh) a cash bar? It’s not a big deal…
It’s not my job to educate you. It’s your job to stop being ignorant. I understand that it’s easier for you to divide everyone you…
As card-carrying Democrats, it’s important that we always take the moral high ground in response to our opposition’s reprehensible actions. We must not sink to…
Now look, I’m just here to remind you that I don’t make the rules, I’m just an irritating prick that really gets off on enforcing…
There’s been a lot of talk about police abolition this year and while there have been a lot of well-articulated cases for it, I’m still…
Increased metabolism, stronger vision, boosted immune system (um, HELLO COVID), reduced cancer risk, lowered cholesterol, and strengthened brain function—these are just six of the endless…
Time to take a fucking stand, people. You are either a dog person: loyal, social, and agreeable. Or you are a cat person: independent, reserved,…
My president likes his soldiers “not captured.” Well, I like my presidents “not dead.” And I like Trump, so it’s a good thing COVID has…