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Opinion: If You Look Around the Venue and You Don’t See the Poser, You’re the Poser

You’re at a show in some 20-something’s basement. You look to your left and see a bunch of young, hip zoomers using slang. You don’t know what any of it means but it sounds cool as fuck! You look to your right and you see some millennials ranting about some politician you’ve never heard of. You’re probably thinking, “Wow, what a great show! Not a poser in sight.” Well think again you old fuck because if you look around the venue and don’t see the poser, sorry to tell you, everyone here is looking at you and wishing your poser ass would leave so they’d feel cool again.

Sure, you spent over a decade permanently bruising your shins learning how to 360 flip but all these 22-year-olds see is a mall-grabbing narc. They’re not wrong though. At this point, the only thing you should be “dropping in” on is your kids. Why are you at this show?!

And yes, that Clash t-shirt you’re wearing was an actual tour shirt that you got as a hand-me-down gift from your uncle who got you into punk. But all the young punks see is a Hot Topic shopping poser with some kind of normie, loving family. Go home. Nobody wants you here.

Alright, alright. It may sound like you’ve taken a bad beat and you should probably cash out and go home. And, I mean, yeah you have, and, yeah you should. But on the way, let’s stop by a place where you can successfully lord your former punk cred over those who will appreciate it: hipster bars. There, you can pick all the low-hanging social fruit you can handle as you tell tales of “how it used to be” to a group of people who absolutely fucking love hearing about how things used to be.

Plus, even though your withered ass is over 30, you can still beat up a hipster! Which you will likely do when you realize they’re laughing at you too.