NEW YORK — “Big” Timmy Langston, 31, paces back and forth on stage, his large biceps — exposed to the stage’s red-hot lighting equipment due…
OAKLAND, Calif – Local fuck-up, Johnny Fuck-Up, best known for the time he stage dove with a roman candle up his ass at Burnt Ramen…
TOLEDO, Ohio. – This past Monday, local mom Denise Bloom reportedly asked her son whether or not he “got good seats” to a recent hardcore…
NEW LAS VEGAS, Nev. – Local punk Donnie Taylor avoided public humiliation by programming the GPS of his parents’ self-navigating transportation pod to drop him…
LOS ANGELES — Trevor Harris, 59, stands in his cramped garage, surrounded by a massive horde of bent, cracked, and completely warped records that are clearly…
Crust punks communicate non-verbally in a way that is difficult for “sheeple” to comprehend, so we asked Dr. Malcolm Henderson and his team at the University…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. – Last week UC Santa Cruz Entomologist Sara Springer shocked the science community by discovering a new species of louse that has…
Burlington, VT – Megacrustaladon: A prehistoric ancestor to the modern Crust Punk was, in it’s time, the apex predator of the pit. A creature whose…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local crust punk Brad Garnett has taken his vegan activism to the next level, adopting a 100 percent vegan, plant-based dog. The…
Like all living things, crust punks can be classified into many different subspecies. Here are some of the most common crusties found in nature. Illustrations…
NANTUCKET, Mass. – The breezy, seaside tranquility of a Nantucket beach was shattered this weekend by the arrival of a rogue crust punk who, according to…
We asked six esteemed sea captains to talk to us about their first encounters with crust punks. WARNING: these stories are not for those who are…
AUSTIN, Texas – Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin have made a startling discovery. Though controversial, anthropologists have determined that crust punks may…
VENICE BEACH, Calif. – Sean Clark is no stranger to stagediving. The experienced crowdsurfer has safely navigated through schools of angry skinheads, tangles of steel…
DENVER – Unemployed internet commenter, Shane Clifford, 33, feels that despite the fact he has no money, access to venues, or contacts in the music…