John Danek
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BUTLER, Pa. — All early signs are revealing that new human being Emery Lloyd is not a badass in any…
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Samuel Abraham
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SAN DIEGO — Conclusive findings emerging from multiple long-term observational studies have shed new light on the habits of anteaters,…
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Tim Graham
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HOLDEN, Mass. — A local fan of popular online personality SpaghettiBurger says she’s prepared to advance her fandom to a…
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S.L. Neechski
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AUSTIN, Texas — Tesla CEO and impossibly moronic manchild Elon Musk announced this week that Tesla will begin locking the…
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Ben Friedman
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LOS ANGELES - The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has employed a new strategy to engage younger moviegoers…
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Violet Meeker
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local man baby Tim Jeffers is looking to tweak his identity to be a silly guy, confirmed…
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Ben Friedman
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WASHINGTON — The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts announced a three-week run performance featuring Terry Gillespie, a…
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Tim Sheard
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PELHAM, N.H. — Local husband and father of two Randy Carlisle regularly misplaces his reading glasses, inhibiting his ability to…
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Neel Bhakta
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SEATTLE — Local barista and dull plebian Marcella Flores was recently alerted that her longtime friend of 20 years has…
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RJ Atkinson
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SANTE FE, N.M. — A recent study revealed that America’s primary source of education has been reduced to fun facts…
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