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Worker Who Dropped Lunch at Pressing Plant Inadvertently Creates Limited Edition Egg Salad-Swirl Vinyl Variant

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Local vinyl pressing plant employee John Rolland pressed a limited-edition “egg salad vinyl” version of Last Ritual’s debut LP after dropping his lunch into the machinery, several hungry sources report.

“Once chow time hit, I decided to go above and beyond and run the press while I huffed down my lunch to make up for lost time after being on the can for 25 minutes,” vinyl press operator John Rolland said. “When I went to take the first bite of my delicious egg salad sandwich, I looked down and realized I was holding two pieces of rye bread while the rest of my lunch splattered all over the wax. Times are tough, so I decided not to throw out the material, and if you ask me, I think it looks pretty badass. I’m super hungry now, though, and hoping my boss doesn’t ride my ass about sound quality.”

Jess Streiner, singer of Last Ritual, was pleasantly surprised, but still confused by the accident.

“When we got the LPs from the pressing plant, the first thing we noticed was the foul stench and abundance of flies around the box,” Streiner explained. “When we opened it, we realized we were missing 10 limited white with blue marble swirl records. Instead there were 10 black and putrid green ones. Sure, they aren’t what we ordered, but we think the idea of a limited ‘smells-like-rotting-ass’ color choice adds character to our record. But I’ll be honest, I have no idea how these are gonna sell.”

Audiophile and avid record collector George Eastman says there is a rich history of food-related LP variations.

“If there’s two things record collectors love, it’s records and food,” Eastman explained as he opened up a fresh pizza box. “So naturally, the food-infused vinyl record is the pinnacle of art and culture. A lot of greats have had special variants–for example, Roy Orbison’s 1989 classic ‘Mystery Girl’ was just reissued in ‘BBQ baked bean’ splatter because apparently the Big O lived on that stuff. A loving tribute, really.”

At press time, Last Ritual was seen holding their noses and giving away their new LPs to a local dumpster.