NEW YORK — 26-year-old Angela Kitts announced today that she is now “totally against one-night stands,” instead preferring the stability of meaningless, long-term relationships, sources…
MADISON, Wisc. — Local polyamorous, gender-fluid teen Brendan McDaniels is frantically searching for the most respectful way to lose their virginity this year, sources close…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — 25-year-old Kyle Booth suspects that his new punk friends only like him for his basement, now that he’s befriended a local hardcore…
It was 2012 and the Sacramento digital hardcore noise rap group Death Grips had just released their underground hit album, No Love Deep Web, which…
AUSTIN, Texas — Researchers at the University of Texas – Austin have completed a study that made some interesting discoveries about itself, according to a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Friends of local man Jeremy Torres are unsure if his new girlfriend Laura Kelly is incredibly laid back or in desperate need…
NEW ORLEANS — Jerry Nichols, the enthusiastic and supportive father of drummer Chris Nichols, is incessantly emailing his son band name suggestions as they come…
SEATTLE — Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos announced his plans today to “personally beat the shit out of small business owners across the country”…
DENVER — Local all-around garbage human Russ Mitchell was totally grossed out by a female musician’s armpit hair during a show on Tuesday night, according…
HOLLAND, Mich. — Your 14-year-old cousin Blake Liston admitted to you yesterday that, as of two weeks ago, he smokes pot and it is “totally…
BOSTON — A new report out of the New England Conservatory of Music suggests that classic rock band Boston’s hit song “More Than A Feeling”…
ORLANDO, Fla. – Terrible local ska band Honk Republic transformed into a halfway-decent punk band late Monday night, when their trumpet player Bobby “Lips” McMurphy…
In a land decimated by civil war, terrorism, and violence, Syrian musicians have persevered through hell on earth. Thanks to the internet we can finally…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Your coworker Michael Banks, a 33-year-old office assistant and widely known flake, announced plans today to get everything sorted out by tomorrow…
CHICAGO — The Pomegranate Verbena-scented Glade Plug-In at notorious punk venue The Grindstone is “doing the best it can under the circumstances,” sources close to…