Press "Enter" to skip to content

Shit: Show Flyer Artist Forgot To List Venue, Ticket Price, Time, Date, and Bands

BALTIMORE — Local punks are reportedly confused and intrigued by a cryptic show flyer circulating that features an image of Ronald Reagan having sex with multiple people and animals, but no useful information about the specifics of the show whatsoever.

“I went to piss between sets at Ottobar when this new flyer caught my eye. I know it wasn’t there two nights ago,” recalled scene vet Cassie Strong. “The only words on it are, ‘Ronald Reagan Séance Orgy…’ which is the name of the event, I guess?”

“I also made out ‘Art by ButtSauce’ written pretty clearly at the bottom,” Strong added, “who I’ve never heard of.”

The flyer, which also features a barely legible title superimposed above a skull with an anarchy symbol carved into it, surrounded by bottles of Gwenyth Paltrow’s Goop-brand skincare products, included no mention of the show’s date, time, location, or any bands playing.

“Show flyers like this are disappointingly common, tragic as that may sound,” explained forensic analyst Ben Patel. “Artists in the punk and metal communities are notoriously terrible with details and accurate information. This ‘ButtSauce’ was likely huffing glue or crushing PBR while using his or her pirated copy of Photoshop. I’ve seen it a thousand times.”

“Honestly, it’s a miracle any time a punk artist finishes a flyer even one day before the show itself,” admitted Patel. “But there simply isn’t enough information to prove whether or not this show actually exists. Science can only go so far — it’s up to the punks themselves to choose whether or not they believe.”

Despite the lack of particulars for the event, an increasing number of punks are insistent on attending.

“I’m not entirely sure if it’s just a show, a piece of art, a prank, or an actual séance for Reagan,” said local punk Malcolm Massey, who spotted a copy of the flyer at a nearby coffee shop. “But I’ll be damned if I miss another opportunity to speak my mind to that fascist pig, Reagan. Count me in.”

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.