Dear Scabby: How do I tell my long distance boyfriend that I still live with my parents? -HOMEBOUND HOTTIE Dear Homebound Hottie: My parents once…
STAUNTON, Va. — Members of local band Schrödinger’s Wëasel are reportedly questioning bassist Wade Carr’s supposed graphic design experience, which appears limited to creating stick…
WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song,…
NEW YORK — Famed film auteur Wes Anderson unceremoniously announced today that his next movie would be about “a sad guy watching birds or some…
CHICAGO — Local man Mason Townsend is in stable condition this morning after being bit by an aggressive crust punk and involuntarily sprouting a dreadlock,…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — A bowl of overnight oats successfully converted last week into a barely recognizable “glob of total shit” nearly one month…
As a musician I pursue art for human connection. We all have a story to share. There are few stories more honorable than those of…
DURHAM, N.C. — James Polk High School maintenance workers found yesterday an extensive collection of vintage hacky sacks, some accidentally kicked onto the roof over…
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger seats of messy cars across…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix surprised subscribers today by releasing the entirety of its original, 1,200-part documentary This Happens Everywhere, chronicling the Catholic Church’s abuse…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — UNCG sophomore Dylan Godsin, already known to many on campus as “hat guy,” made a major play yesterday for the additional mantle…
SEATTLE — Members of local hardcore band Within My Grasp discovered today that a benefit show they agreed to play was actually a fundraiser to…
Dear Scabby: My girlfriend of almost two years has been nothing short of kind, thoughtful, and loving during our relationship. However, I’m starting to realize…
QUINCY, Mass. — A pair of teenagers crossing the parking lot of an abandoned strip mall moments ago report that there is definitely someone fucking…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus T-shirt in preparation for his…