PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday when she defied New York’s…
“I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!” Hell yeah. “FEAR” said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live back in the 80s. They…
NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of Radio City Music Hall in…
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was revealed to be former Chairman…
LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to the unusually green Google Maps…
As a proud member of the alt-right (and recent college graduate with a degree in English Literature thank you very much), I understand that most…
PHILADELPHIA — Outspoken supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, known as “Biden Bros,” are reportedly harassing potential voters via handwritten letters sent through the…
AUSTIN, Texas — Social media marketing manager Anthony Skipper forwarded a complaint about his tortimese housecat Nickels moments ago to his HR rep, Sassafras, who…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The cam girl you’ve been throwing money at when you should have been working from home is “probably about $1,000 or…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A heavily discounted DVD of the Steve Carell vehicle “Evan Almighty” is “really fucking pushing it” by having the audacity to call…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…
LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit HBO docu-series “McMillions” are pitching their next fast food true crime story, “Dethroned,” based on the tragic,…
DENVER — Local nerd Eugene Boscroft asked aghast record store employees moments ago to help him find old compilations from Fat Wreck Chords, which he…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — The collective U.S. student loan debt held a press conference early this morning, claiming that it isn’t looking for anyone’s forgiveness, just…
NEW YORK — Stock photo websites jacked up their prices today for pictures of financial workers on Wall Street looking dejected on the trading floor…