This past week we all watched as executive chef Jeff Tray was eliminated from the hit Food Network show “Chopped” after the dimwit attempted to…
LOS ANGELES — Human remains discovered in a shallow grave in Angeles Forest yesterday were identified as those of legendary skateboarding pioneer Won-Ton “Animal” Chin,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local conspiracy theorist Vinnie Logano discovered a secret plot yesterday to kick him out of the “BFF Forever” group chat, according to…
AKRON, Ohio — Local cop Officer Ryan Kowalcyzk admitted he is having a tough time separating the assault he commits at work from the assault…
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s experimental use of the anti-malarial drug Hydroxychloroquine has transformed the Commander-in-Chief from a boorish, morbidly obese, whiny turd into the suave…
EGG HARBOR, N.J. — Spirit Halloween announced today that they will keep their stores closed until October, when they will reopen for a month before…
The other day I’m down in Pioneer Forest Preserve minding my own business, doing my thing. Next thing you know this family comes up to…
PITTSFORD, Vt. — 28-year-old Alex Solorzano is now in his seventh week of blaming social distancing for his sexual inactivity, despite several years of sexual…
MINNEAPOLIS — Rioters protesting the unlawful killing of another unarmed black man at the hands of police officers successfully burned Minneapolis’ Third Precinct police station…
DUBLIN, Ga. — Members of the official Facebook group for all things related to Dublin, Ga., have finally stopped hiding their prejudiced opinions and transitioned…
NEW YORK — NYC Police Commissioner Dermot Shea confirmed today that police shooting targets all come standard with their backs turned, clearing up any speculation…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Sgt. William Porter, an active member of the Ku Klux Klan, was killed last night following a violent exchange with state police…
DENVER — Lifelong sports fan Brian Pimento is allegedly now “all in” for German soccer club Borussia Mönchengladbach despite never previously watching soccer before Colorado’s…
NEW YORK — Local two-timer Thomas McGibbons is looking forward to the end of quarantine after being stuck with his second and more annoying family…
Between their labor abuses, monopolistic actions, and abysmal pandemic response, I would boycott Amazon. I really would. Unfortunately, the grim reality is Amazon has my…