PHILADELPHIA — A black Roomba S-694 autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner is, in fact, the only tenant in a local punk house with a job, according…
LOS ANGELES — Concert-goers at the legendary Smoking Barrel recently learned that the club has never had to refill the contents of its bathroom soap…
PHOENIX — Local punk Frankie “Bullet” Higgins is quietly and privately working through the trauma of leaving his Yellow American Spirits sitting in the scorching…
WASHINGTON — Viral TikTok sensation “Tariq the Corn Kid” shocked fans and political insiders alike after accepting a lucrative lobbying position on behalf of Agriculture…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Fans of the late, exceptionally talented rapper Coolio spent the last 12 hours muttering the lyrics they can remember to his hit…
CORVALLIS, Ore. — Local punk band No Thank You took a quick breather in the middle of their set to promote their sponsors Blue Apron…
LOS ANGELES — Archibald Van Heusen III’s shock upon seeing a guest in full punk regalia at a Getty Museum fundraiser caused his monocle to…
DETROIT – Local band Affirmation Rising revealed that their traditional pre-show huddle mainly consists of prayers that serious allegations about them don’t come out, confirmed…
MILAGRO, N.M. — The latest edition of “The Anarchist Cookbook” reportedly begins with 12 pages describing how the author fell in love with making Molotov…
NEW YORK — Pioneering California punk band FEAR will appear in this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade now that the 40-year ban assigned by NBC…
WASHINGTON — Your parents, who have spent every waking moment for the past 20 years preparing for the end of humanity, once again asked when…
LOS ANGELES — Hardboiled detective Rex Lawson intends to solve a murder conspiracy involving wealthy elites, and possibly the city comptroller, just as soon as…
CHICAGO — Local party animal Abraham Cane regretted getting so drunk that he ended up getting a tattoo removed last night, confirmed sources in between…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local “Game of Thrones” enthusiast John Linden was overjoyed as he unwrapped what he described as a “fully functional and historically accurate”…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Breweries across the Pacific Northwest are faced with barrel supply chain issues forcing them to utilize a piece of furniture known as…