V.F. Thompson
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — The local police department issued a public service announcement this morning warning the populace to be aware…
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Nathan Kamal
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SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a…
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Jay Wells L'Ecuyer
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WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in…
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Bobby Korec
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OLYMPIA, Wash. — Struggling punk band Sucks To Be You revealed that they were at wits’ end after years of…
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John Danek
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MANHATTAN, Kan. — The roommates of lifelong punk Herbert “Sloshed” Stevens have learned to whisper and spell out the word…
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Eli Johnson
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NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Jenny Fitzsimmons allowed her husband Alfred to remove the enigmatic green ribbon she’s worn around her…
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WARRENTON, Va. — Local children were confused by the Halloween offerings of Mr. and Mrs. Owens, who handed out full-sized…
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Goodrich Gevaart
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GAINESVILLE, Fla — Volunteer security guards at The Fest accidentally let upward of 40 different guys who look like local…
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James Knapp
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MANCHESTER, N.H. — Dan Levitton, lead vocalist for touring hardcore band Weekend Proposal, told the “motherfuckers” in the back to…
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Ted Pillow
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CINCINNATI — 26-year-old punk Bobby Larson is now listing a local 7-Eleven cashier as his only emergency contact in lieu…
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