Patrick Coyne
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October 13, 2019
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski earned a tidy sum of $523 last week after nearly two dozen tourists…
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Edgar Towner
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October 12, 2019
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A new study suggests that the average punk unknowingly has sex with five people who go…
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ROSSITER, Pa. — Your long-term girlfriend Lisa Sandoval found your recent Instagram activity “kinda funny” and “a little weird, if…
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Tom Peters
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October 11, 2019
TACOMA, Wash. — Local music fan Don Glenswig was elated last night to discover a long line for the bathroom…
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Cory Cousins
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October 11, 2019
SAN FRANCISCO — A young San Franciscan couple enjoyed the beginnings of autumn this weekend, relishing the sight of a…
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Patrick Crooks
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October 11, 2019
PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 10, 2019
CINCINNATI — Self-described anarcho-punk and Wells Fargo bank teller Gary Morin claimed again today that he only took his job…
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Jordan Breeding
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October 10, 2019
MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Local sous chef Timothy Devino tried to cheer up his potentially depressed girlfriend Jordan Meyer yesterday by…
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UTICA, N.Y. — A local hipster was terrorizing shoppers leaving an area Trader Joe’s grocery store yesterday, asking if they’ve…
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Freelancer
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October 9, 2019
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — Termagant Pharmaceuticals product strategy intern Jeremy Hastings impressed colleagues last week by receiving more allegations of…
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