James Knapp
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August 17, 2023
APPLETON, Wis. — The recent business merger of spooktacular megacorporation Spirit Halloween and the local Army Navy surplus store in…
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James Knapp
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August 16, 2023
LOS ANGELES — Live music extortion racket Ticketmaster recently celebrated the surprise release of a brand new feature to its…
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Ben Friedman
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August 16, 2023
OAKLAND, Calif. — Tenants of a local punk house are locked in a bitter discourse of what actually constitutes garbage,…
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Trevor Graham
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August 15, 2023
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Aging hardcore guy and noted crowd killer Tom Reilly reportedly received a gold X Swatch for his…
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John Danek
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August 13, 2023
LAREDO, Texas — Conservative Tanner Oakenson recently committed his life to destroying all forms of fictional child abuse invented by…
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Matt Bieker
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August 12, 2023
DES MOINES, Iowa — All 65 million members of Generation X around the country celebrated after finally realizing their goal…
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Liam Stephenson
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August 11, 2023
CLEVELAND — Officials at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s Elvis Presley exhibit announced they will be copying the…
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Patrick Sullivan
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August 10, 2023
WASHINGTON—Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was briefly hospitalized earlier this week after a reported altercation with legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing,…
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Adam Frost-Venrick
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August 10, 2023
PITTSBURGH — Popular language learning app, Duolingo announced they will be adding a new “Eddie Vedder” course to their catalog…
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Joe Rumrill
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August 9, 2023
DANVERS, Mass. — An especially deep stage dive by local Garry Beverling established contact with long-fabled unsettling bioluminescent punks who…
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