Press "Enter" to skip to content

California Passes Law Requiring Seven Day Waiting Period to Obtain Podcast Equipment

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Governor Gavin Newson signed a historic bill that would require all residents to undergo a seven-day waiting period before purchasing podcast equipment, government officials confirmed.

“Today we finally say enough is enough. Too many Californians have been victims of low to mid-tier podcasts by hosts who honestly are not educated enough to spout their opinions at small gatherings. By enacting a seven-day waiting period and background check, we can ensure that mixing boards and high-end microphones stay out of the hands of alpha bros and the mentally ill,” said Governor Newsom. “I hope other states will look to California as it leads the nation in preventing flat earthers, anti-vaxxers, and disgraced right-wing radio hosts from obtaining podcast equipment and dragging down our county’s average IQ level.”

The mother of a recent victim of podcast equipment being in the wrong hands was grateful something was being done.

“I didn’t think my David would be capable of such atrocities. All he wanted to do was start a movie podcast with his friends, so I bought his first microphone and a Switcher subscription. Next thing I know he’s spending thousands of dollars building a studio and getting sponsored by testosterone pills. Worst of all his ‘podcast’ devolved into rants against female superheroes,” said Ellen Murphy. “I hope this law will protect other families from having their lives destroyed, because now my son is canceled, unemployed, and living in my basement.”

The CDC began tracking podcast proliferation three years ago, and said the California law is an important step in mitigating shitty opinions.

“It’s important to reiterate that all Americans have a constitutional right to free speech and that there are thousands of responsible and entertaining podcast hosts in this country. However, unfettered access to powerful high-quality USB microphones has led to any asshole with a half-baked idea to record whatever spews out of their mouths,” said Kayla White. “California’s podcast law will definitely stem the tide, but some states are going in the opposite direction. Recently, Texans were allowed to conceal and carry those tiny microphones, which has led to a 300% increase in douchebags approaching women in the street and demanding to know their body count.”

Governor Newson also said the law permits California municipalities to implement buyback programs, allowing citizens to anonymously surrender podcast equipment to keep them off the streets.