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Israeli Defense Minister Defends Decision to Bomb Civilians by Claiming Hamas Leaders Were Hiding Inside Local Children

GAZA CITY — Israel’s Defense Minister Yoav Gallant defended the continued bombing of Palestinian civilians by asserting Hamas leaders are hiding inside the local children, United States intelligence confirmed.

“It is our firm belief that the intricate tunnel systems Hamas used to launch a surprise attack on Israel run through most of the children in Gaza. And we know the Hamas leaders are currently hiding inside children as young as nine months old,” said Gallant. “We will continue our targeted attacks to flush out Hamas and bring them to justice. We will bomb every ‘safe evacuation route,’ refugee camp, and hospital in order to get it done. Also, any so-called humanitarian aid sent to feed these children will be considered an act of war against Israel and its number one ally and supporter the United States.”

Palestinian journalist Emad Saleh says the current assault on Gaza is the most devastating yet.

“There is nothing left. Buildings are flattened, there is no way to communicate with the outside world, and all food and water are being diverted away. Everyone here is being exterminated,” said Saleh. “We’ve tried to ask for help, but the world doesn’t care. People are trying to evacuate, but the roads out of the city are being blockaded and bombed. I’m not sure if the IDF has succeeded in killing any Hamas militants, but they are doing a great job taking out women and children.”

Comedian Amy Schumer continues to vocally support Israel’s attempt at genocide.

“So many people are saying Israel is bombing Gaza without doing their own research. From what I’ve seen it looks like Hamas built those fighter jets and tanks themselves and are bombing their own people,” said Schumer. “I think we can all agree we want this conflict to end as soon as possible, but the best case scenario would be a peaceful end that includes the West Bank being blown off the map. I’m just glad my tax dollars are finally going towards a righteous cause and I urge Joe Biden to send more weapons to Israel.”

At press time, Israeli officials admitted that they have not found any Hamas militants inside of any blown up children yet, but will keep trying.