Culture Archives - Page 110

Woman Knows Name and Birthday of Every Dog in Neighborhood But Cannot Remember Name of Any Human Neighbors

The Hard Times Staff • March 30, 2024

LOS ANGELES — Local woman Carmen Montozo admitted to knowing intimate details about each dog in her neighborhood while failing…

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Aging Punk Enters “Skechers” Phase

Jeff Bender • March 29, 2024

SAN FRANCISCO — Local 39-year-old punk Martin Brown finally succumbed to a pair of plush slip-on Skechers walking shoes after…

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Trump Bible Includes Pledge of Allegiance, “God Bless the USA,” “The Apprentice” Seasons 1 – 6 on Blu-Ray

James Knapp • March 27, 2024

WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump announced his latest merch launch, a $60 Bible that will the Pledge of Allegiance,…

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Male Supreme Court Justices Finally Learn Details About Abortion Pill They’ve Paid for Countless Times

Reuben Blanchard • March 26, 2024

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court heard arguments for and against a ban on the abortion pill, Tuesday, with the male…

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Free-Thinker Doesn’t Just Slide to Left Because Song Told Him To

Kevin Burke • March 26, 2024

GLENDALE, Ariz. – Self-proclaimed “free-thinker” Rob Greenfield was spotted motionless at his cousin Jenna’s wedding on Saturday night, even refusing…

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CEO Calls All Hands on Deck Meeting to Tell Employees About Cool Band He Discovered, Also Massive Layoffs

Ben Friedman • March 26, 2024

PALO ALTO, Calif. — CEO Steve Westwood of tech juggernaut SnaxR called an emergency all-hands-on-deck meeting to excitedly inform employees…

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Child of Broken Up Polycule Looking Forward to Six Birthdays and Christmases

Ben Friedman • March 25, 2024

SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Eight-year-old Chase Gibson was optimistic after the dissolution of the polycule that had raised him since birth…

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Study Finds More Americans Taking on Second or Third Mid-Life Crises

Ben Friedman • March 24, 2024

WASHINGTON — A recent study conducted by the Census Bureau revealed that the majority of Millennial Americans are forced to…

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Goth Woman Uses Incognito Mode to Shop for Sensible Shoes

Arielle Andreano • March 24, 2024

SEATTLE – An integral member of the local goth scene caused an uproar when it was discovered she was using…

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Ben Shapiro Claims Palestinian Children Keep Dying on Purpose to Get out of Debating Him About Definition of Genocide

The Hard Times Staff • March 23, 2024

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Right-wing media pundit Ben Shapiro continued his attacks against the people of Palestine by claiming children in…

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