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Black Cat at Adoption Event Still Holding Out Hope Danzig Will Show Up

LOS ANGELES — Local shelter cat Midnight is holding out hope that legendary frontman Glenn Danzig will show up in the waning minutes of today’s adoption event to bring him back to a spooky forever home, skeptical sources confirmed.

“You think people would evolve past these old superstitions about black cats being bad luck and see that I’m house trained, love to cuddle, and get along great with other animals. But no, these families are plucking up orange cats like they are going extinct, even though everyone knows orange cats are nightmares,” said Midnight while longingly gazing at the entrance of the gymnasium where the adoption drive was taking place. “It’s fine though, I know who I want to take me home. He’s got long hair, he’s about 5’2” tall, and he knows a quality cat when he sees one. I’m sure Danzig is just running a bit late, he’s a busy guy, I bet that prick Jerry Only is talking his ear off about donating to Trump’s legal fund.”

Other animals up for adoption were not as optimistic about Midnight’s chances of getting adopted by the aging rocker.

“Look, it’s not that Midnight isn’t cute and charming. I’m sure Danzig would love him. But I heard the guy already has around 80 black cats at his mansion. There was this stray cat I used to run with that lived near Danzig and he said he was too afraid to go through the guy’s garbage because the place gave him the creeps,” said 18-month-old pitbull mix Ricky. “You gotta wonder what a guy like that is doing with so many cats. Hopefully they don’t have to listen to him rehearse those Elvis songs, I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy, which is of course, the UPS delivery guy. Take a hike in those dumb brown shorts, buddy.”

Eliza Gomez, the head of the local Humane Society, says she is in constant contact with Danzig about new animals at the shelter.

“Mr. Anzalone is a great friend to animals. He’s actually donated a good amount of money to renovate the cat room at our Pasadena branch. Because of his generosity, we were able to paint the room completely black and add a bunch of small coffins for the cats to sleep in,” said Gomez. “We also installed a bunch of fake bats hanging from the ceiling for the cats to play with, and he allows us to play early Misfits songs over the speakers whenever a family comes to meet the cats.”

At press time, Danzig announced another Original Misfits world tour so he could continue to afford to buy “the good cat litter.”