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Man Finally Feeling Ready to Begin Creative Project 80 Years After Dying

BATON ROUGE, La. — The ghost of Winston Batts, a cobbler and hobbyist clarinetist who died in 1944, is finally inspired enough to begin work on his first big band jazz album, skeptical angels reported.

“I never wanted to start composing music until everything felt perfect, and I’m finally settled enough in Heaven to begin,” stated Batts, who was infamous in life amongst friends for scoffing at any live musicians and claiming he could make better tunes. “What’s the point of being an artist if you have to force it? That’s what I always said to myself while I repaired shoes for decades. Now that I’ve been dead and rotting for nearly a century, it’s time to start writing some songs to get the young people doing the Charleston.”

Descendants of Batts have reported frequently seeing Winston in their dreams as of late.

“I had a dream last night that I had to shoot my kindergarten teacher in the face to save a pallet of babies, and right as I pulled the trigger, I heard the voice of my great grandfather whisper ‘Big things happening soon’ in my ear,” said Addison Batts, great granddaughter of Winston who first family member to notice his otherworldly presence. “That dream made me realize that I’ve been way too passive with my creative aspirations. So I am going to begin my path towards becoming a sculptor. Soon. Like next week. Or, actually, probably after I get back from vacation in August. But watch this space!”

Mediums say that unfulfilled artistic expressions are one of the most common forms of regret for the deceased.

“I talk to the dead all day every day, and one thing far more pathetic than shitty art or embarrassing lyrics is never actually making anything at all,” said Lydia Trumbull, local medium and successful vintage furniture reseller. “The spirits of the afterlife mostly all wish they had tried painting, written poetry, or auditioned for a vaudeville act. So let this be a lesson to the living–either start today or shut the fuck up about it already. Don’t come crying to me after you die in a six-car rush hour pile-up that you didn’t ‘try your hand at stand-up comedy.’”

As of press time, Batts hasn’t actually started composing anything yet, but has created multiple music-related accounts on Heaven’s social media network Christagram.