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Tragedy Strikes After Malfunctioning Wind Turbine Spills Wind All Over Farmer’s Field

CLAY CENTER, Kan. — An environmental catastrophe devastated a local farmer’s field after a malfunctioning wind turbine caused a dangerous amount of wind to spill everywhere, according to several sources.

“I knew the environmentalists were lying to me when they told me that gosh darn turbine was safe,” said farmer and spill victim Ken Hughes. “But one day I look out and I see that big ole fan they built spinning faster than ever. Next thing I know several stalks of corn are leaning more than they should be and my truck’s all dusty and in need of a wash. Heck, I stepped outside to try to control the damage and my hat nearly flew off my head. But no please go on about how safe these cancer mills really are.”

Fossil fuel lobbyist Carl Paxton said this is exactly the type of thing he had been trying to warn people about for years.

“Wind is dangerous and has too many negative side effects unlike safe, dependable oil,” claimed Paxton. “For example, wind messes up your hair while oil can help slick it down. Wind makes you all cold and chilly while burning oil helps warm you up. And what’s to say we won’t run out of wind? I can’t see the wind so it’s so hard to find new sources of wind. Meanwhile we know where to find more oil making it replenishable. It’s clear to me that oil is the better option. And when is the last time you went to go on a nice family picnic but had to pack up early because it was too oily outside? Exactly.”

WindCorp, the company that owns the wind turbine in question, was hesitant to take responsibility for the wind spill.

“It’s not our responsibility to clean up any wind spills that happen,” said WindCorp rep Alyson Gardner. “These are the risks we take when we decide to try and harness the energy of something so powerful as the wind. Mr. Hughes knew that when he agreed to allow us to put our turbine on his property. His request for $30 in order to replace his damaged corn is ridiculous and quite frankly we’re ready for a long drawn out court battle.”

At press time, other farmers were raising concerns about new solar panel installations sucking up all of the sun’s heat and causing another Ice Age.