Hey, look at this crowd of people outside the venue next to the band’s idling tour bus. It’s been more than half an hour since…
Fuck yes! A Hot Dog Eating Contest! An American tradition if there ever was one. We were passing through Chicago and appear to have found…
It is estimated that nearly 6 million Americans struggle with intrusive thoughts every day. They can contribute to anxiety, depression, and compulsion. It’s certainly no…
Good news, ladies: unrealistic body standards are old news. That’s right—it’s time to start focusing on what’s on the inside, and fucking despising that instead!…
In the ’90s, R.L. Stine’s “Goosebumps” books unleashed a wave of truth-telling about the horrors of modern America. Stine primed the zeitgeist with suburban mythology…
We were already on a pay-to-play tour–How could we be expected to pay for our own food? Lucky for us–a shitty reward system and our…
Sure, Drum Machines Can Keep a Beat, But They’ll Never Replicate My Profound Lack of Professionalism
Sure, Drum Machines Can Keep a Beat, But They’ll Never Replicate My Profound Lack of Professionalism
I’ve heard my fair share of criticism from my bandmates over the years. They say that I’m “too moody.” That I’m an “unreliable asshole.” That…
Sure, Ben, we all agree that the glove compartment is inaccurately named. But if you’re going to galavant around town making big demands like a…
It’s happened. The day has come. Your beloved white friend has asked you to give their favorite Wilco album a listen. They have sworn up…
Steve Carrington’s Canadian girlfriend. We’ve all heard this stuff before, but it’s so incredibly unbelievable that I genuinely thought Steve was joking for like a…
No nepo baby in recent memory has commanded the national attention than the looming blood clot located somewhere inside Mitch McConnell’s middle cerebral artery. The…
You’ve heard the songs, you’ve seen the videos, you’ve probably even heard the interviews. Anyone who hasn’t lived under a rock for the past 30…
Lately, it seems like we’ve all been hearing the term “nepo baby” a lot. I’m sure this sends to mind a lot of very specific…
You’ve suffered through their bullshit your whole life. Now that you’re engaged, it’s time to get revenge on your family, friends, and loved ones. And…
After all the years of bad first dates and bookended relationships, you finally found your twin flame. Who could have guessed your cosmic counterpart would…