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We Sat Down With Our Dad Because We Were Feeling Too Good About Ourselves for a Second

This week at The Hard Times we were just starting to feel okay with who we are and where we’re at in our lives, and we wanted to put a stop to all that immediately before it got out of hand. To that end, we thought: who better to sit down with for a 20 minute interview than our dad? We didn’t come prepared with any questions because we figured he’d take the lead, and we were not mistaken.

The Hard Times: Hi Dad, it’s good to see you. 

Dad: Glad you could take time out of your “busy schedule” to see me. Ha-ha! That’s a joke. 

Are you saying we don’t do anything all day? 

Just joking. But yes. So, tell me what this is about. You’re still writing for The Hard Tribunal, I take it? 

Close enough. 

How great, but have you ever considered working for a magazine I’ve heard of, like Esquire or The New Yorker? Now those are good magazines. My old coworker Mark’s brother’s dogsitter used to answer phones in an office just two blocks from the New Yorker. I’ll ask her to drop off your resume. What was her name—Cheryl? Carol? 

The interview was paused for 3 minutes as Dad shuffled through various women’s names.

That’s alright, Dad. We’re good. 

You know, it’s okay to be lost and directionless in young adulthood.

We never said we were. 

…as long as you’re learning new skills, like training for a half-marathon. Mark’s son is training for a half-marathon. 

We’re not looking to run a half-marathon. 

Right, right, you love those cookies too much for that. Do you remember when you ate so many cookies at Aunt Jolene’s Christmas party that you had explosive diarrhea and made the whole family have to leave early? 

We didn’t until you mentioned it. 

I have to say, I’m getting the sense you might be annoyed at me for something. 


I’m really sorry you feel that way. I was just being honest. You can handle honesty, right? Choose wisely because there’s only one answer that will earn my respect here. 

Let’s just move on. 

The interview was paused again to endure 7 minutes of stifling silence.



What was that? 

No, you go. 

You know, gun violence is up by 20% in your city. 



Admittedly, we ran out the clock on the rest of the interview by just commenting on various items around the room and getting him on a rant about the heating system. But we left having achieved our goal of feeling completely emotionally drained and like a shell of what we were earlier this week. We later learned in a followup from Dad that he thought this was a great conversation and he can’t wait to see it in print.