From its origins to the modern era, our literature is rife with star-crossed lovers. Helen and Paris from The Iliad. Romeo and Juliet from Shakespeare. “The Notebook” people. Now, from our own interconnected world, comes a story of doomed romance sure to take its place in the annals of human tragedy and resonate through the ages.
A woman on Feeld using the handle Sin_ful_e_Sweet just unmatched with a dude going by JediDick right when he was composing a prose in which he revealed himself as “a master in the fine art of devouring that box.” Jesus wept.
How cruel is this wheel of destiny we are condemned to live in when a woman can so hastily block a potential suitor on a whim—simply for sending and requesting nudes before saying hello—without even knowing she has forever deprived herself of a life-changing cunnilingual odyssey?
The composition, once destined to spark the greatest love affair of our modern era, now exists only as a digital message-in-a-bottle, forever adrift in a lonely sea of pussylessness.
“Yo, let’s see that pussy. Unlike a lot of guys on here, I actually LIKE eating it. I pride myself on being a master in the fine art of eating that box yo😜. Bitches be begging me to stop sometimes, I’m that good. You like my dick? We should hook up, where you at? I can’t host. Where you at? You got nice titties, any topless pics? 420?”
Hades himself could not help but be touched by such prose. These are words that can move boulders, part the seas, inspire revolutions. Alas, they never reached Sin_ful_e_Sweet, and they never will.
Surely the information that she was speaking to none other than the pussy eating master himself, the man who could “tongue box that clit like no other,” would have made her overlook his shitty tattoos, tactless introduction, and dependency on his parents for a place to live well into his 30s. Had DickJedi hit send just a second sooner she might be on her back right now rolling ecstatically in the fields of pussy eating Elysium. Instead, because of a split-second error in judgment, she is forever doomed to a life of actual conversation and subpar pussy eating followed by a lazy backrub.
Our hearts weep for you, Sin_ful_e_Sweet and DickJedi. May the tragedy of your failed coupling serve as a reminder to us all that life is too short to be coy about one’s pussy eating abilities. We implore you to share their story and to update your bio so that people can see your level of pussy eating competence right off the bat.