GRESHAM, Ore. — Local friendless reject Dennis Hagar is looking to give away an extra ticket to tonight’s Classless Few show to anyone willing to…
NORWELL, Mass. — Lifelong Democrat and self-proclaimed liberal activist Andy O’Hare added his name to a petition to build more affordable housing while clarifying the…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local metalcore band The Demise of Saturn asked scumbag show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham to abandon traditional currency and begin ripping them…
ORLEANS, Mass. — Local tattoo enthusiast Danny Lipinski’s latest tattoo depicting the cast of “Friends” engaged in a pansexual orgy is being described as “an…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Local kinksters Justin Lentz and Carly Melhado added a new wrinkle to their sexual routine early yesterday evening by pretending to actually…
Literature can be difficult to interpret. An author’s intent is oftentimes lost by the reader, which has never been more frighteningly apparent than pop-punk vocalist…
LOS ANGELES — Creators of the 2021 film reboot “Dune” were surprised to see a new generation of hardcore kids using references from the movie…
LOS ANGELES — A seemingly innocuous Spotify pop-punk playlist was ordered by a judge at the Los Angeles superior court to stay at least 100…
GRESHAM, Ore. — Local bargain hunter Terry Hodges was relieved to discover that the writhing, chaotic mass of humanity trampling him in order to procure…
We asked and you voted! Meet The Hard Times Sexiest Man Alive 2021: Slimy the oppossum! At 2-and-a-half years old, Slimy has been through the…
MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Countless sources from around the world are reportedly still unsure why anything is going back to happening in person and why anyone…
WARRENTON, Va. — Local children were confused by the Halloween offerings of Mr. and Mrs. Owens, who handed out full-sized copies of Judge’s rare 1989…
The vaccine debate isn’t going anywhere. Thankfully, I’ve never had to participate in any of it because my lifelong commitment to a poison-free lifestyle is…
BOSTON — A local straight edge man battling cancer admitted his biggest regret in life was how infrequently he knocked alcoholic drinks out of unsuspecting…
LOS ANGELES — The International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees are preparing to strike to combat wildly unfair and unsafe working conditions which prompted film…