Band Adopts Second Bassist to Keep First From Loneliness
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the jangle pop quartet Pine Box announced the addition of a second bassist, known mononymously…
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Josh Baumgart
14 stories found
Sapiosexual? My Partner Owns A New Yorker Tote
Look at me, I’ve matured. It’s not all about hair, or style, or talent, for me anymore. What really gets…
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UN Deploys Kendall Jenner to Deliver Pepsi To IDF
TEL AVIV — The United Nations decided to call on model, media personality, and socialite Kendall Jenner to deliver a…
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City Builds Statue of Homeless Man Sleeping On Bench to Keep Homeless From Sleeping on Bench
AUSTIN, Texas — The Austin city government placed a bronze statue of a homeless man sleeping on a bench in…
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Florida Government Awards $500M In Grant Money To Research Cargo Shorts That Keep Balls From Sticking To Leg
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — The Florida Legislature announced the passing of a bill securing $500 million in grant money to develop…
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I Didn’t Get The Sex Talk But I Was Left Unsupervised At Spencer’s Gifts
Growing up as a millennial was tough. The internet came along and changed the world, and our parents were too…
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Punk Proud of Favorite Artist’s Sobriety Until He Credits It to God
NEW ORLEANS — Ian McSeamus, the infamous frontman of the punk band Ghost Chode, announced that he is celebrating six…
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Is This Guy My Friend or Were We Just Drunk in the Same Location During Formative Years?
Whoa, what a night. Always good to catch up with the old crew when I’m back in town. Glad we…
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The Next Rick Rubin? I Have No Technical Skills or Musical Ability and Would Like To Produce Your Album
So a lot of people are talking about me, about how I cracked the code to their album, how I…
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Fictional Cops Ranked By How Likely They Are To Violate Your Civil Rights
As a child, you see so many depictions of police officers on television. Some of them show cops as the…
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