Press "Enter" to skip to content

Frank Ocean Makes Rare Public Appearance in Fan’s Burnt Toast

OAK PARK, Ill. – Local woman Evie Meyers received a welcome surprise this morning when an image of acclaimed artist Frank Ocean made an appearance in her burnt toast, confirmed sources planning a pilgrimage to the apartment.

“So I’m making breakfast, thinking about Frank Ocean, and how he hasn’t released a song in three years or an album in seven years. And out pops my toast,” said Meyers with tears in her eyes. “There he was right there. Frank Ocean. In my toast. I nearly dropped to my knees. I knew I had to post this to Instagram ASAP, and lo and behold, I had racked up 72,000 likes in a matter of hours. This is the biggest public appearance Frank has made in eons, not counting Coachella last year, which fans have all agreed to erase from our collective memory.”

Some of Ocean’s more superstitious fans experienced a nearly religious moment seeing the toast.

“When he released his last single, 1321 days ago, there was a southward wind. Back in 2016, when Blonde dropped, the wind was out of the East. And today it’s out of the Southeast. So I think that means there’s an album soon” said superfan Alex Santanos, “Now with this appearance, I think it’s all but confirmed. The toast is a sign from above. I never used to be a man of faith, but God, it feels good to have something to believe in,”

Music journalist Hugh Shimako shared his thoughts on Ocean’s general public image.

“You know, Frank loves to keep a shroud of mystery around him. I just think this is his way of sending a message, maybe a new album, maybe a new Homer line” said Shimako. “He’s an enigmatic guy and we’ll be fans of whatever he makes, even if that is literally everything but music. I’m wearing some of his jewelry right now. Last year, rumors swirled that Frank would be directing a movie for arthouse studio, A24. Before that, Frank tacked on yet another non-musical project when he opened a nightclub in New York City. I guess now Homer is releasing a new line of cock rings. Except these ones come with rubies and more sizes available. Looks like pre-orders drop at midnight.”

At press time, Ocean’s new Homer line had sold out, and sources revealed he is both writing a play and in training to receive his pilot’s license.