PORTLAND, Ore. — Local tattoo artists are preparing for a huge wave of clients requesting the absolute stupidest, dumbshit tattoos…
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John Danek
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MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Shipping conglomerate FedEx announced a massive hiring effort to recruit hundreds of staffers dedicated to fucking up…
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Sara Mellas
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So you love horses. Well, I get it! Unfortunately, people who don’t love horses do not get it. That’s why…
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Amanda Russel
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NEW YORK — Emo fans remain shaken to their core after the release of the previously unthinkable: a new track…
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Max Barth
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PHILADELPHIA — A black Roomba S-694 autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner is, in fact, the only tenant in a local punk…
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Bobby Korec
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Each week, The Hard Times travels back and revisits a notable album from the past. This week we’re doing a…
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Tim Graham
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SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Hollywood composer Danny Elfman was reportedly dejected after his proposed score for an legitimately haunted carnival…
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Ciara Murphy
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BOSTON — Local ray of sunshine Sarah Bootley openly and unashamedly enjoyed Naval Tomb’s show from the front row last…
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Mimi Kenny
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At times, the burden of all-encompassing intellect can be especially difficult to shoulder. The impossibility of stimulating all possible thought…
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James Knapp
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I know how this scheme works, you liberal cucks. First you wanna take away my beloved machine guns, which I…
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