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Quiz: Is She a Horse Girl or Does She Just Do Ketamine at Festivals?

So you love horses. Well, I get it! Unfortunately, people who don’t love horses do not get it. That’s why us horse girls must stick together, which is harder to do these days, what with all the pseudo horse girls running around Peach Fest, Resonance, Summer Camp, and every other backwoods music festival you regret buying passes for. They claim they love horses and their majestic power, but what they really love is snorting enough Special K to take a horse out. Don’t let yourself be fooled, cowgirl.

Here are 8 basic questions to ask your potential new friend that are easy for any true horse girl to answer, even in the middle of a k-hole:

1. As a child, did you skip on the playground or did you trot?
Answer: Trot. We’re not some happy-go-lucky skippers who are satisfied moving in a non-horse manner.

2. Who was your favorite American Girl doll?
Answer: Felicity, because she had a horse.

3. What is the OG horse movie? (hint: you most likely watched it at horse camp)
Answer: The Man from Snowy River.

4. What do we do when we watch horse movies like Seabiscuit and Black Beauty?
Answer: We cry. A lot. Horse posers only watch these movies for a racing.

5. What are Jammies?
Answer: Horse Spanx.

6. What breed of horse has a mohawk mane and is therefore the most punk rock breed of horse?
Answer: Norwegian Fjord.

7. Are you strong?
Answer: I’m farm ripped.

8. What do we say when we drive past a field of horses or pass a horse trailer?
Answer: “Look, horses!”