James Knapp
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October 12, 2020
RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a…
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Jonah Nink
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October 12, 2020
It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that I was forced to close my beloved indie movie…
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John Danek
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October 12, 2020
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has forced R&B group Blackstreet to disclose that their 1996…
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Seth Finkelstein
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October 11, 2020
NEW YORK — Billionaire industrialist Tony Stark announced a proposal today that would solve the ongoing climate crisis by shooting…
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Dave Cross
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October 11, 2020
SACRAMENTO — Video game speedrunner Ashton Clemens insisted that a significant portion of his girlfriend’s orgasms were completed incorrectly, arguing…
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Daniel Menegaz
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October 11, 2020
SIMI VALLEY, Calif. — Up-and-coming male pornstar Dixon Nixon was seen online early Friday morning flashing a brand new flash…
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Ashley Naftule
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October 11, 2020
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local realtor Aaron “Shredder” Dukowski can’t wait to show potential buyers exactly where a gruesome quadruple…
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Contributor
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October 11, 2020
WASHINGTON — Over two dozen White House staff members with clandestine ties to the Kremlin and operating within President Trump’s…
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Jonah Nink
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October 11, 2020
After watching “Midsommar” for the first time, I told my friends “Man, thank christ Scandinavians aren’t real. That would be…
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John Dixon
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October 11, 2020
AUGUSTA, Ga. — Local band Wall Socket officially announced their breakup today, moving into the next phase of their careers…
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