HORNERSTOWN, N.J. — Serial killer and torture pioneer Jigsaw was reportedly left horrified today after his unwilling Thanksgiving guests quickly devoured a massive turducken he…
Thanksgiving is the best time of year for gathering friends and family and appreciating all the year has given you! And while we all know…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
Thanksgiving: the most quintessentially American of all holidays. More than Christmas, more than the Fourth of July, even more than Toyotathon, Americans consider Thanksgiving to…
DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn’t already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to get out of last year’s…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted to sneak his own name…
NEW YORK — Local street fighter Brock Fistman reportedly received the opposite effect as intended after eating a turkey leg he discovered in the trash…
ALLSTON, Mass. — David “Big D” McWane, lead singer of Big D and the Kids Table, was asked to dine with the adults today at…
NEW YORK — While attempting to recover a full chicken dinner sealed inside a wooden barrel at an earlier date, financial analyst Michael Kann instead…
EVANSTON, Ill. — Punk mother Danica Friedman announced she would be distributing a compilation of previously unreleased, rarely tasted Thanksgiving sides this year, family sources…
THE SUBURBS — Your mother left you a stern voicemail this morning, reminding you that if you want to participate in this week’s holiday festivities,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump pardoned a 5-year old Bourbon Red turkey named Mikey this morning, sparking outrage amongst law enforcement officials who insist the turkey…
ST. LOUIS — Five-year-old punk kindergartner Trisha Saunders drew attention this morning during an arts and crafts session for drawing a hand turkey with one…
WASHINGTON — A new wave of allegations was brought against President Trump today, now under investigation for pardoning a turkey with direct ties to Russian…