Stephen Bell
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November 20, 2020
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted…
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Dicky Stock
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May 4, 2020
ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp commissioned today the construction of a series of statues commemorating the COVID-19 virus as…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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December 15, 2017
NEW YORK — The Rabinowitzes, a family of New York hardcore Jews, have already finished their Hanukkah celebration this year,…
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Mark Roebuck
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November 23, 2017
THE SUBURBS — Your mother left you a stern voicemail this morning, reminding you that if you want to participate…
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Ashley Naftule
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November 22, 2017
WASHINGTON — President Trump pardoned a 5-year old Bourbon Red turkey named Mikey this morning, sparking outrage amongst law enforcement…
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The Hard Times Staff
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November 22, 2017
HANSON, Mass. — Local punk Brandon Gardner will continue his annual Thanksgiving tradition of hiding from his family in his…
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The Hard Times Staff
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November 20, 2017
WASHINGTON — A new wave of allegations was brought against President Trump today, now under investigation for pardoning a turkey…
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Sari Beliak
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December 31, 2016
TUCSON, Ariz. -- Local woman Sarah Abott reportedly had a personal “modern day Hanukkah miracle” this past week when, despite…
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Sari Beliak
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December 19, 2016
DETROIT -- Local goth teen Shelly Davis announced plans to ruin her family’s Christmas card for the third year in…
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Krissy Howard
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November 23, 2016
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local frontman Mike Croft delayed his families Thanksgiving dinner with a 20-minute shoutout to “everyone and everything he’s…
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